In the Jersey City Mall in
Newport… Like way before Christmas.
”Mon Dieu! Why ze fuck are all zese stupid Americans holding up ze
line?” Francois rolled his eyes at the unforgivingly annoying Christmas tunes
blaring in the store “It’s not even fucking December yet and all of zeze
consumer whores buy things in a rush. Then ze same idiots come back with ze
same stupid merde to buy more tasteless merde for their poor loved ones. I’m
just trying to buy new aviator glasses after having broken my old ones last
night having wild, wet, unapologetic, filthy sex with those two 23 year old Korean
Twins I met at ze Thai café on Grove Street! Merde! Why do all of us who buy
simple useful things wait behind the nauseating fat nasty human garbage with
bags of garbage to return for more useless stupid garbage, not only to annoy us
but ruin the lives of their families with their instinct for mall merde!”
A surprising handful of consumers behind Francois clapped and even
cheered “Yeah! Hurry the fuck up! This ain’t even the customer service line,
you assholes!”
“Yeah!” screamed a nearly ancient old school jersey woman “I want my
fuckin’ Winston’s!!!”
A younger woman in her mid-thirties, who was fairly attractive with
shiny dark brown smooth hair, pink lip gloss and almond shaped eyes yelled
“I’ve been here with a stick of eye-liner and condoms for twenty minutes!!! I
work in accounting everyday and I need to fuckin’ get laid tonight, that’s my
fuckin’ Christmas! Fuck Santa in his white haired bulbous, blushing, wrinkled
asshole!!”
A child started crying up front as it was drowned out by the cheers of
consumers with smaller, reasonable items behind him.
“Hey!” A fat middle-aged white haired Cocky Jersey man snickered at the
line behind him “Why don’t you babies have some respect and wait your turn like
everybody else. Stop listening to this freak here” pointing at Francois “He
ain’t even American…”
“Fuck you, you fat consumer fascist!” A bearded Grover-bodied hipster
shouted from the rear of the line.
“Aye” Francois casually sneered at the fat old white haired consumer
whore of a man “Why don’t you be like everybody else and lose 500 pounds, you
fat bulbous Hippo?” Francois laughed at his own retort, barley finishing his
sentence as everyone in line behind him laughed. The fat white haired man grew
silently livid at Francois and the public mockery he made of him as his entire
face turned fire engine red.
The gorgeous brown haired working
girl with her box of condoms and eyeliner giggled as she shyly smiled, blushing
as Francois winked softly at her.
“Must be a lucky man” Francois gently kissed her hand “ a sexy creature
like yourself has to spend with on this beautiful night, Mon Amour…”
She giggled and blushed again “Oh, you’re such a sweetheart… I must have
been so upset to say that aloud… I actually was planning to order a guy on an
escort service online tonight but I never dreamt I’d run into someone like you…
You’re so wild and untamed…”
“In every way, Mon Amour…” Francois delicately licked her ear.
“Oooohhh wwwoooo…” The sexy woman giggled with excitement “My name is
Rachel” She eyed Francois with severe sexual intensity.
“Why don’t we go to ze stupid customer service line where zese idiots in
ze front should have been and get a discount for putting up with zis merde?”
Francois whispered into Rachel’s ear as they casually began to walk away arm
around each others’ waist from the long line Francois turned into a bickering
crowd of angry customers “Zen we see how good zese condoms are, huh?” Rachel
giggled wildly as the two disappeared down the escalator kissing each other
firmly.
Story and characters of
Francois Le Pouf/ Le Competitor written and created by Jesse S. Montalto on
10/11/13
Copyright © Jesse S.
Montalto, 10/11/13
All Rights Reserved
